The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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