i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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