My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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