I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
