dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
