when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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