somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
