Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
