I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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