remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
