She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
