Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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