that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
