So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
