Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can't turn off my feet"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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