You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
