I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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