on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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