I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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