i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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