if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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