Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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