singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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