if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
