Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
