Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
