his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
