Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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