His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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