She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
