end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
