Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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