when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
