Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
