I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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