just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
