whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
