apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
