You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
