just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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