so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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