I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
