I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
