Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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