I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
