We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
