Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
