Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
