I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
