mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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