I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
